Having been on this planet a few years, I have made a few discoveries in the ?art? of meeting women I hope to share a few of these discoveries and lessons here with you now

Having been on this planet a few years, I have made a few discoveries in the ?art? of meeting women. I hope to share a few of these discoveries and lessons here with you now. Keep in mind that while I was growing up, I did not have the resources that you all have now, so all of this was learned by trial and error (many errors!).

What do you want?

First, decide what it is you are looking for. A one night stand? A couch buddy to watch movies with? A long term relationship? Or something in between maybe? What you decide at this point will determine where and what you do to meet the woman you are looking for. For example — you would probably go to a bar to meet that one night stand. If you like art, you would go to a museum to meet that long term relationship. Think about where you would meet that person that matches what you are looking for, then go there. Not with the intention of meeting someone, but with the intention of enjoying yourself. Women are always attracted to someone that is having fun!

If you?re looking for that long term relationship, think about interests that you would like to have in common with them and take that tack in order to meet them. Like I said, art — a museum, Cars — an auto show, computers — the internet (sometimes!) and so on. The key to an LTR is sharing interests and opinions and ?chemistry?. Worry about the first two at the beginning, the chemistry will come later!

Conversation

The art of conversation is not difficult. The party, the people at the party, common acquaintances, current events are all good topics to talk about. Keep to the positive though and try to avoid saying anything negative until you find out where their opinions lie. A good way to terminate a budding relationship is to make fun of someone?s dress just to find out it?s your interest?s best friend!

Avoid religion and politics to start with. These are minefields in the making and are a great way to spoil something before it even starts. Talking about sex right off is not necessarily a good thing either, even with that one night stand you have your eye on. True, there was a study done at one point that advised that if you walked up to a woman you wanted and said ?Hey! Wanna F@#$?? that an average of 25% of them said yes. It didn?t tell you that 75% of those that said ?No!? slapped the questioner in the face! There?s a painful lesson to be learned here…

Sense of Humor

A good sense of humor is imperative! Learn how to laugh at yourself. What I mean by this is that if you make a fool of yourself, laugh… don?t get angry about it. But be aware there is a fine line here — spilling a drink in your lap and responding ?Gawd! I?m such a klutz tonight!? and laughing about it, is great! Excuse yourself, towel down and order another drink.

Spilling a drink in your DATES lap, saying ?Gawd! I?m such a klutz tonight!? and laughing about it, is NOT the same thing! Laughing at the expense of yourself gives you a sense of humor. Laughing at the expense of others makes you a creep (to say the least)!

Body Language

There has been a lot said about this in the past and people tend to forget about it. But it is very important during ?the hunt? and not something that should be ignored! Here are a couple of tips that will help you out:

1. Face her — If you?re sitting next to her, turn in your chair. Don?t just twist your head around. This will show that you are genuinely interested and not listening because you ?have to? to get what you want. Also, this can be a good hint as to whether or not she is into you. If you face her, and she faces you, she probably finds you interesting and you?re making some headway! If she doesn?t face you and just turns her head or if she doesn?t even look, my advice would be to find another lady to pay attention to. This one is obviously not the one for you!

2. Look at her eyes — I don?t mean the ones below her shoulders, I mean the ones in her head! Now there is a trick here to doing this. Just staring into her eyes when she?s talking could be unnerving, so use your eyes and ?scan? her face. Start with the left eye, move to a spot between her eyes, then her right eye. Then watch her lips as she speaks. Then start it all over. Don?t do this too fast as she probably think you?re nuts, but slowly rotate what you are looking at will help you remain focused! Do NOT watch another girl walk by! You might as well slap her in the face…

Use these little tricks and you?ll be surprised how far you can get!

Conclusion

So decide what you want/need, hone your conversation skills, make sure your sense of humor is in gear and check your (and hers) body language and you should be able to go out and have the kind of fun you have been looking for!

With the number of resources that are out there on the web now, it?s really hard to make up your mind where to go for advice, where to go to meet women and what to do after you?ve met them. I wish this was a problem when I was younger as this would have reduced my learning curve quite a bit when it came to meeting (and scoring!) with the ladies!

I am not talking about criminal stalkers who truly intend to do someone harm. What I’m talking about are regular people who have a relationship end before they were ready and some of the behaviors they use in their best attempt to hold on to their partners. Has this ever happened to you?

Let’s talk about the potential dangers of what can happen. You are in a love relationship. You are happy and content most of the time. Perhaps you notice your partner’s lack of attention and possible discontent, or possibly the realization that he or she no longer loves you comes as a complete shock. Whichever is the case, the ultimate result is that your partner wants out of the relationship that was satisfying for you.

I talk to many individuals who have experienced this scenario as a total and complete shock. They had no idea. They insist there was no warning. Everything was fine and then one day. . . BOOM. The bottom fell out of their world. This experience can be completely devastating.

If this has happened to you, you know what I mean. Everything seems fine. You are happy. You have a partner in your life who meets most of your needs. You depend on that person. You imagine your future together. You take for granted that you will always be together. Then something happens that is totally out of your control and your world is shattered. What can you do?

Before we talk about what to do, it is important to really look and define what you want. Most people who are left in that situation want their lover back. They want to pinch themselves and realize they were just having a nightmare. They want their partner to love them again.

Without taking a good look at what you want, you tend to start behaving automatically. You want your life back so you start engaging in activities to try to change the other person’s mind. You cry, you rage, you depress and sometimes in desperation, you engage in what I call stalking behavior.

Your partner has told you the relationship is over. He or she is not interested in continuing your life together. Your partner doesn’t love you anymore. Well, that is completely unacceptable to you. Some of you will even imagine that the person is losing his or her mind. He might be having a midlife crisis or she may simply be experiencing PMS. Your mind kicks into denial. You simply don’t believe it.

You call your friends. Try to get them on your side to validate whatever it is you are thinking. And in sheer desperation, you start to spy on your loved one. You drive by where they work. You make unwanted phone calls, begging them to come back and give you one more chance. You start approaching their family members and friends hoping to gain some insight that you lack.

All of this is understandable when you start behaving without your goal in mind. If you don’t understand your goal is to reinstate the relationship, then your behavior seems justified. However, when you clearly define your goal, then that begs the question, “Are these behaviors that I am engaging in helping me to bring this person back into my life?”

If you can honestly see the situation, then you will have to admit that what you are choosing to do is more likely pushing your loved one away. Once you recognize this, you need to switch out of your emotional mode and move into a more logical, intellectual mode.

You need to understand a little about relationship dynamics. Until a couple truly moves into an area of mature love and relationship commitment, they tend to go through cycles. One person withdraws and the other person moves closer in an attempt to fill the gap created by the other’s withdrawal. In so doing the person attempting to fill the gap often crowds and smothers his or her partner, thus increasing the likelihood of their own rejection. It’s a vicious cycle.

What can be done about it? You must honor your partner in your relationship, while at the same time honoring yourself. You do not have the right to get your own needs met at the exclusion of your partner meeting his or her needs. When a relationship exists that is not meeting the needs of both individuals, sometimes one or both people decide it’s time to end the relationship.

The problem occurs if you don’t want the relationship to end and your partner does. What can you do? The first thing to always ask yourself is, “Whose behavior can I control?” If your partner has decided to end the relationship, is there really anything you can do to stop them? Maybe, and that’s a big maybe, you can make them feel so guilty that they will return to you. However, is guilt the foundation you want your relationship to be built upon?

I say you must honor your partner’s wishes to end a relationship gracefully if maintaining any type of future relationship is your goal. You may be able to salvage a friendship that way. It’s even possible that down the road, your partner may want to return to you once he or she realizes that you respected them enough to let them go gracefully. However, don’t let this be the reason you do so because then if it doesn’t happen, you can reengage in some crazy and potentially stalking behaviors.

You have a complete right to a fulfilling, satisfying relationship. That is true. However, you may not be able to have it with the person you’d like to have it with right now. Hold on to your vision of the future?your dream of happily ever after. Simply allow yourself the flexibility to imagine it with a different partner in your life. After all, isn’t part of your vision being in relationship with someone who loves you as much as you love them? Then your current relationship isn’t the answer.

Gracefully, let it go with the inner knowledge that you are better off for the time you spent in the relationship. It met your needs for as long as it existed and now you are on to bigger and better things. You have been freed to continue your search for a person to love you in your here and now.

Remember this quote by Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”

Kim Olver has a graduate degree in counseling and works with couples and individuals who trying to deepen their understanding of their relationship patterns and to move closer to the important people in their lives. Check out her free Relationship teleclasses at http://www.therelationshipcenter.biz

SHE’S EVIL.COM

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What we’re about

Welcome to She’s Evil.com. Let’s start by telling you what we’re all about. First off, we do not hate women. We love women. Really. We REALLY love some women. But like most of you, we’ve had our different experiences with them, and let’s face it gentlemen, some of them are just plain EVIL! That’s not to say that they all are, or that all of us are perfect. (Truth is, some of us can be evil too. Not exactly breaking news) But this site is for the average guy out there, married or not, who tries to do the right things, plays by the rules (and it’s pretty clear nowadays that we didn’t write the damn rules), and just finds himself frustrated by a one-sided relationship where the woman wants more and more, believes that her needs and feelings are paramount, and doesn’t give a damn about our own wants or long-term goals.

            The creators of this site are all either married or divorced, and naturally that colors our outlook. But the site is not strictly for divorced men. All are welcome, whether they are married, single, engaged, or divorced. Anybody who has experienced an evil woman. Hell, maybe even frustrated lesbians can offer something here (we’re not quite sure yet though. The jury is still out on whether people who think like you can ever  agree with people who think like us). We want this to be enjoyable, and a place to vent. Get your frustrations off your chest with like minded people facing the same problems and stresses. Let off some steam in a cyber world that speaks your language. But we also aim to be a resource for men who are facing the real  problems of  divorce or relationship stress. We plan to post links to online resources, from legal advice to matchmaking services, that will be of assistance to men currently in bad relationships. But mostly, this is YOUR site. Log in, read what’s up here, and weigh in with your comments and experiences.

            US population statistics indicate that as many as 12 million American men have experienced divorce. This is very likely the most underserved and underrepresented demographic group in our society. Child custody laws are stacked against us. Popular culture paints us as insensitive louts who deserve our miserable lot in life. Family court judges rule against us with regularity. The media paints a picture of abusive spouses and deadbeat dads. There are very few outlets that give us a voice, respect our opinions, and look out for our interests. This site aims to provide that outlet. So enjoy the ride, and get in the game. We want to hear from you, and we want the world to hear from all of us. If you want to show off your thoughts visit the She’s Evil Shop